4 "Southern Girl" Trends I Wish Would Just Die Already

February 04, 2016


Ladies, we need to talk. It's getting serious. You already know what I'm going to say, just hold your "bless your hearts" and "good golly miss Mollys" until the end, okay? This is something you need to hear. I'll just rip the band-aid off now.

Is this thing on?

Okay. Here we go.
"Southern Girls" everywhere are making fools of themselves, and it's getting to the point of I-want-to-look-away-but-I can't-because-it's-so-horrendous, but I have to step in. I have to sit you all down and talk face to face, no matter how hard it may be.

These things need to stop. This is an intervention.

These are 4 "Southern Girl" Trends I Wish Would Just Die Already.

1. Lilly Pultizer Overload.
Okay, I'm pulling out the big guns first. Yes, I know you love Lilly. Yes, I know she's an iconic female entreprenuer that started a juice stand and now makes all of your brightly-colored dizzying dreams come true, but there comes a point in every girl's life that she needs to realize that enough is enough. Those migraines you get? They might not be from low blood sugar or shifting hormones like you previously thought. It might just be the Lilly getting to you. I mean, your blankets and your wallpaper and all your clothes, and the inside of your eyelids are all swirling nautical patterns of highlighter yellow, antifreeze green, and fluorescent magenta so bright it practically vibrates. It's time to detox. It's time for basic colors, and prints that don't move like optical illusions when you look at them.

2. Monogram Everything.
OMG! You have initials! Doesn't that just make you want to personalize everything?! Shirts and key chains and water bottles and trash cans and toilet seat covers. Yeah, we get it. That item is yours, and now that you've monogrammed it, it just screams you! Let's just make it a thousand times harder to sell your gold jewelry, and when you get married and change your name (like every southern girl must, that's like the rules of feminism) spend thousands of dollars on NEW stuff with your NEW initials on it! Yay you!

3. "Sassy Classy and Smart Assy."
If this song by Real Housewives "Countess Luann" is your anthem, maybe you should sit back down. Yeah, the message is good, and we should all be on our best behavior when we need to be - but maybe be a little more careful with the things you describe as "classy." Bedazzling your red solo cup with fake pearls doesn't make a frat party a black-tie event. It just means you glued trash to other trash. 

Oh and keep in mind, "sass" is just betchiness with a giggle or a head tilt at the end, don't be fooled.

4. Crafting / Adding bows and pearls to everything.
Got a boring baseball cap? Slap a bow on that sucker. Going to the gym? Don't forget your grandmother's heirloom pearls! If it's not Lilly Pulitzer or monogrammed, it needs a handmade bow or some craft store glitter or some stick-on gems obviously. Bonus points if it's got a monogrammed Lilly print on it too. Triple points if you post it all over social media with #PreppyAndProud. You win the game if it's a fire hazard after you craft it, and you win life if you refer to yourself as the "Crafting Queen" non-ironically. You're basically God if other people call you that.

Obviously everyone is their own person, and most things are okay in moderation. I personally own multiple strands of pearls, a monogrammed necklace, and even a few Lilly Pulitzer items, but I know my limits, and your limit may be different than mine. Coco Chanel said “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off,” and I think that applies to these trends, as well as every other trend there is. Please take this post with a grain of salt, and continue being yourself.

What trends do you wish would be over already?

7 comments

  1. That's like the rules of feminism. I just died of laughter!

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  2. I'm in the south and I honestly thought I was about to get offended. Nope, I'm good. I'm okay. Came out unscathed, believe it or not. What I think is pretty funny, too, is how so many girls who go along with the monogrammed ordeal actually get their initials out of order...

    I'm afraid, however, no one will ever shake the "bless your heart" phrase outta me. Some things a southern grandmother teaches you are just there to stay.

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    1. The initials out of order is a formal style thing, they do it with engraving also; the surname is centered for emphasis.

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  3. Yes to all of these!!! Especially the Lily stuff. I never understood the hype.

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  4. BAHAHA yes! Born and raised in rural southern Virginia, I can attest that my facebook feed of people back home is consistently filled with all of the things you've mentioned here.

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  5. I laughed so hard! Much of my family lives in the south, and this is so true. But I'd like to add those purses- you know, the purses that are quilted AND patterned? Ashley somebody? No, Vera! Vera Bradley! My eyes, my eyes!
    ReaderRita

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  6. Maybe because I'm from California but you couldn't make me buy any Lilly items. I feel like 12 year old me would have been in love with the color schemes and flamingos but I cant see a 20 something having an apartment decked out in glorified Hawaiian print

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